How the EFT Approach Helps Couples Heal After Betrayal or Infidelity
- drstephaniesimon
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
Experiencing betrayal or infidelity can be devastating for a relationship. Couples often describe feeling shocked, unsafe, disconnected, or unsure whether healing is even possible. Trust may feel shattered, communication can quickly become reactive or shut down, and both partners may feel stuck in cycles of blame, defensiveness, or withdrawal.
At City Lights Psychology, a psychotherapy group practice in Flatiron, Manhattan, we work with couples navigating the aftermath of betrayal using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)—a research-based approach to couples therapy that focuses on emotional safety, attachment, and repair.
Why Betrayal Impacts Couples So Deeply
From an EFT perspective, intimate relationships are built on emotional bonds and a sense of secure attachment. Betrayal—whether emotional or physical—often ruptures this bond, leaving one partner feeling unsafe, rejected, or abandoned, while the other may feel flooded with shame, fear, or helplessness.
Common experiences after betrayal include:
Intense emotional reactions such as anger, grief, panic, or numbness
Repetitive arguments that go nowhere
Hypervigilance or a constant need for reassurance
Emotional withdrawal or shutdown
Uncertainty about whether the relationship can survive
EFT understands these reactions not as “overreactions,” but as attachment distress—a signal that something deeply important has been threatened.
What Is EFT and Why Is It Effective for Infidelity?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy rooted in attachment science. Rather than focusing only on behaviors or surface-level communication skills, EFT helps couples understand the emotional patterns and unmet attachment needs that drive conflict and disconnection.
When working with infidelity, EFT focuses on:
Creating emotional safety so difficult conversations can happen
Helping the injured partner express pain in a way that fosters connection rather than escalation
Supporting the partner who betrayed trust in taking responsibility and responding with empathy
Rebuilding secure attachment through emotional responsiveness and repair
Research shows that EFT is particularly effective in helping couples recover from betrayal and rebuild trust when both partners are committed to the process.
Healing Is a Process, Not a Quick Fix
EFT does not rush couples toward forgiveness or reconciliation. Instead, therapy unfolds in stages that respect the emotional complexity of betrayal.
In EFT for infidelity, couples often work through:
Stabilizing the relationship and reducing reactive conflict
Processing the injury, allowing the hurt partner to feel heard and validated
Fostering accountability and empathy, without defensiveness or minimization
Rebuilding trust and emotional connection over time
This process allows couples to move beyond repeating painful arguments and toward meaningful repair.
Can a Relationship Be Strong Again After Infidelity?
Many couples worry that even if they stay together, the relationship will never feel the same. EFT does not aim to return couples to how things were before betrayal—but rather to help them build a new, more emotionally attuned and resilient bond.
With the right support, couples often report:
Deeper emotional intimacy
Greater clarity about needs and boundaries
Improved communication during conflict
A stronger sense of “we’re in this together”
Healing does not erase what happened, but it can transform how couples relate to each other moving forward.
EFT Couples Therapy in Flatiron, Manhattan
At City Lights Psychology, our clinicians are trained in EFT couples therapy and have experience supporting couples through betrayal, infidelity, and relational trauma. We approach this work with care, structure, and respect for both partners’ emotional experiences.
Our practice serves couples throughout Manhattan, including Flatiron, Union Square, Chelsea, NoMad, and surrounding NYC neighborhoods. We work with couples at many stages—whether they are unsure about staying together or committed to rebuilding their relationship.
Taking the First Step Toward Repair
Seeking therapy after betrayal can feel vulnerable, but it is often a powerful step toward clarity and healing—whether that means repairing the relationship or making thoughtful decisions about the future.
If you’re looking for EFT couples therapy in Flatiron, Manhattan, or support navigating the impact of infidelity, City Lights Psychology offers a compassionate and evidence-based space to begin.
Contact City Lights Psychology to schedule a consultation and learn more about our couples therapy services.
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